How to Catch a Cheater
Discovering and confronting infidelity in any relationship can be devastating and in many cases, life-altering. If you believe your spouse or significant other is cheating, you must do something about it. When you believe your spouse is having an affair you need to find truth and to put a end to this situation.
Most of the time the victim will prefer to live with the situation rather than to do anything about it and not necessarily because of denial. When you are facing this kind of situation it’s not hard to find dozens of reasons to keep quiet and let this situation continue. Some think of what others would say, how it would break of the family, feel ashamed, or simply just don’t know how to go about catching their spouse even if they are sure he or she is cheating. And if they did catch them, how would they go about confronting them?
Why You NEED to Know
Many cheaters with use the sad cliché “What my spouse doesn’t know won’t hurt them”. That could not be further from the truth. The relationship you have with your spouse immediately begins to suffer the moment they start an extra-marital affair. As long as they are seeking a relationship outside of the one they have with you, things will never be the same. Here are a few reasons why you need to know:
- exploiting your trust
- lack of respect for you and marriage bond
- no longer committed making marriage work
- living in suspicion no way to live
- make a choice to stay or leave
Signs Your Significant Other is Cheating
If you are reading this you are probably already suspicious about your wife or husband’s extra-marital relationship. Be on the lookout for signs, to help you confirm whether or not your spouse is cheating on you:
- Unusual amounts of gift
- lavish attention
- feeling “off”
- noticing your partner is hiding his or her phones computers and other personal equipment
All these behavior may be a cause for concern.
Body Language and Lies
How can you catch a cheater? Well, the cheating spouse has the advantage when it comes to infidelity. Understandably, most people do not know how to investigate their spouse. And when one does become suspicious, signalling it by making accusations, acting insecure or being overly inquisitive, the cheating spouse tries to work harder to better conceal the affair. Body language is a strong indicator as to whether someone is lying or not. Here are some things to look for:
- avoids eye contact
- give too much information when asked a simple question
- repeating the question you asked in their response
- stutter or stumble upon words
- shaky hands or voice
- talking faster than normal
- answer questions with indirect statements or defensively
Check your spouse’s work schedule and in some cases, it may be necessary to call his or her workplace directly during work hours to speak with them, helping you to check whether or not they are currently in work or out with another.
Review your internet history and usage on home computers and even on your spouse’s own computer. Although this may be considered “snooping” or an invasion of privacy, it will allow you to easily check and see whether or not your partner is chatting with others and the types of websites that he or she is visiting each day.
Talk candidly with your husband or wife about his or her daily schedule after returning home from a long day of working or running errands. Watch body language and also pay close attention to the details he or she is giving you. The more specific your spouse is about his or her day, the more likely they are telling you the truth. Ask to recall specific events in detail and in some cases, even backwards in timeline. Cheaters and those who are lying may have difficulty explaining specific situations if they are asked to recall them backwards or in different timeline as their original lie. Don’t be afraid to take notes of what you suspect is a lie. When asked recall a made up story liars tend to exaggerate their story and comparing this version of the story with your notes might be helpful.
Probably the most dreaded part of this whole process after having caught the cheater is when it finally comes to confront your spouse. The moment of truth. You have to make sure of two things before this confrontation.
- Make sure you have enough proof to catch your spouse in the lie. They first and mostly likely only thing they will want to do is deny, deny, deny. Even when presented with undeniable facts some have been known to continue to lie.
- As much as your hurting and feeling angry and betrayed, and rightly so, the way to speak to your spouse at this moment can definitely affect the outcome. It helps to focus on your feelings not their behavior. For example you can say “Something I discovered is upsetting me” or “I’m concerned (sad, frustrated, hurt) about…”. Try to word the problem in the least judgmental way possible by focusing on your feelings.
This will no doubt be one of the hardest and/or most painful things you may have to in your life. Rest assured that it is well worth the effort and sacrifice.
Remember, we all deserve to love and be love, betrayal free.
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